“Things That Go Bump Investigations

Alexander Durecht

Psychokinetic”

written on it, along with a picture of him looking startled.

/When’d they take that?/ he wondered.

Blink glanced over at him. “When Kloppy grabs you,” he replied.

“Huh?”

“Oh! Sorry.” Blink blushed and grinned shamefacedly. “I gotta stop doing that. I know it’s rude.”

Before Alex could fully process that comment, there was a yelp from the back seat.

“Where’s my cross?” Alex and Blink turned to see Bumlets digging through a black briefcase. “Okay, guys, it wasn’t funny the first time. Where is it?”

“What d’you need your cross for?” Mush asked sourly, rubbing the spot where Bumlets’ flailing elbows had jabbed him in the side.

“Just in case,” Bumlets replied. Suddenly, with an “aha!,” he pulled a plain wooden cross from the briefcase. “There it is! Stupid cross, always hiding from me.” He hung it around his neck and continued searching through the briefcase.

“So . . . um . . . what exactly does this job entail?” Alex asked nervously.

“Well, if it’s just a poltergeist, not much,” Jack replied. “You just need to hold it down.”

“If it actually is a possession, though,” Snoddy said, “we’ll need a bit more than that.”

“Hey, Mush, remember our first possession?” Blink asked, turning in his seat and grinning at the curly-haired boy.

Mush rolled his eyes. “Wasn’t that a blast and a half,” he said with a chuckle.

“We’re here,” Oscar announced, shutting off the van. “What time should I pick you guys up?”

“We should be done in an hour,” Jack estimated. “I’ll call if I think we’ll be later than that.” The men got out and Alex watched with a feeling of slowly growing trepidation as the van peeled away. They went up to the door. Jack rang the doorbell and an extremely tall girl flung open the door.

“WHAT?” she shrieked. Her eyes went from man to man and her entire demeanor changed instantly. “Hello,” she purred. “Can I help you?”

Jack stepped forward and held out his hand. “Jack Kelly. Things That Go whoooa!” The girl had grabbed his wrist, pulled him close, and given him a real scorcher of a kiss. Jack staggered back, eyes wide, his eyes like dinner plates.

“Hey, Cowboy, remember the wife!” Blink said with a grin, elbowing the other man in the side.

“Aww . . .” The girl pouted. “The hot ones are always taken.” She sighed, then leaned back in the house and yelled, “LILY! YOUR EXORCISTS ARE HERE!”

“Let them in!” a second voice replied faintly. The girl stood aside and let the six men file in. Another girl, presumably Lily, came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

“Hi,” she said with a smile, holding out a hand. “I’m Lily. That’s my roomie, Cats, the walking ball of hormones.”

“Hiya!” Cats chirped.

Jack cautiously shook her hand. “I’m Jack Kelly, these are my employees. Now what seems to be the problem?”

“Our house is possessed!” Cats yelled. “That’s the problem!”

“Look out!” Snoddy cried suddenly. Everyone ducked except Alex, who didn’t see anything to look out for. Mush grabbed his sleeve and yanked him down. A second later, a large copper pot flew through the air where Alex’s head had been.

“That answer your question?” Lily asked dryly as they stood.

“Typical poltergeist behavior,” Bumlets said. “A fairly weak one, too, judging.”

“HEY! Who you callin’ weak?” a heavily accented voice yelled.

“Get ready to hold him down, Dutch. Mush, start charging up. Bumlets, get the cross.” Jack’s orders were hissed and rapid-fire.

As the eight watched, a fairly short Italian man appeared. Dressed in turn of the century clothes with a cigar hanging out of his mouth, the poltergeist was a stereotypical late-nineteenth century gambler.

“I ain’t weak,” he continued, flicking an ash off the end of his cigar, “and I don’t appreciate bein’ called it.”

Cats’ jaw dropped and she took a step forward. “You,” she said, “are incredibly hot. Why didn’t you ever show yourself before?”

“Huh?” said the poltergeist.

Lily smacked herself in the forehead. “Cats, no . . .”

“Now, Dutchy!” Jack yelled suddenly. Alex jumped, startled, then concentrated. The poltergeist suddenly flew backwards and slammed against a wall, spread-eagled. He yelled and began struggling against his invisible bonds, but they refused to give.

“Hurry, Cowboy,” Alex hissed. His head was beginning to throb already and he could feel cold sweat beading on his forehead.

Bumlets whipped out the cross from beneath his shirt and pressed close to the poltergeist, which hissed and shrank away.

Jack quickly unbuttoned the top three buttons on his shirt, revealing a pentagram tattooed to his upper chest. He yelled something and Snoddy pulled out a jar. A beam of blue light shot out of the pentagram, hit the poltergeist, and there was a blast of cold air and Snoddy screwed the lid onto the jar.

“Got ‘im!” he announced triumphantly.

Alex fell to his knees, clutching his head. It was pounding so badly that he could hardly see. Someone hauled him to his feet and he slumped against his savior, his concentration solely focused on staying upright and not vomiting. He could hear conversation, but it sounded far away and like an annoying buzzing.

“There is your problem, ladies,” the Jack-buzz said. “All sealed up for you to dispose of.”

“Can I keep him?” the Cats-buzz asked. The Jack-buzz shrugged and handed the jar to the Cats-buzz, who whooped and dashed out of the room.

“Thank you so much,” said the Lily-buzz. “How much do I owe you?”

“We’ll send the bill,” the Jack-buzz replied. “Good day.”

“Dutchy?” the Mush-buzz asked way too loudly. “Can you walk?”

Alex pressed closer into his savior’s shoulder, trying to get away from the loud noise.

“Shh,” said the Snoddy-buzz. “He’s in pain.” Suddenly, Alex wasn’t on his feet anymore and was being carried.

/Hmm,/ he thought. /Now would be a good time to pass out./

Everything faded to black.

~end part two~
Continue to part 3