Title: Harsh Reality
Author: Faith
Rating: R
Pairing: Dutchy/Skittery
Status: complete
Feedback: feedback is welcomed!
Archive: Seize The Night, Faith's Newsies Fan Fiction
Summary: Dutchy and Skittery are a couple in a world where they can't and never will be accepted
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Disney, I'm not making any money off of this.

Dutchy watched silently from the bed as Skittery pulled up his brown pants then slung his suspenders over his shoulders, over the pale pink shirt underneath. He was beautiful. Brown hair which when left uncut fell into his hazel eyes, a nice tan complexion complete with a muscled body. He had been Dutchy's first... with another man at least. He had lost his virginity to a girl at the age of fourteen. She had been a hooker and his father's birthday present to him. If his father was around now he was sure he'd have a heart attack if he learned of his son's sexual orientation (he had known he was gay and had been in other hidden relationships since he was sixteen). He didn't care though. The young blonde didn't care what anyone else thought about him. He didn't care that if any of the other guys found out they'd laugh or be disgusted and kick him out of the house. None of that mattered to him. All that mattered was that he was with Skittery now.

"Don't leave."

He could barely recognize the voice as his own. It was well past midnight and it would take an hour to get back to the lodging house, Dutchy had only hoped that the other boy would want to spend the night in that run down hotel room. The teenager had yet to learn what it was like to wake up in Skittery's arms even when they hadn't had sex the night before. After a year together and after four months of being intimate he was still denied that one wish.

"You know I have to. People are already starting to wonder about us. I ain't there in the morning and you ain't either they're gonna know something's up." Skittery slipped on his shoes and made his way to the door. "Stay here. Get some sleep."

"I love you." Dutchy told him. He waited eight months to say those words to him even though he knew he meant them after five.

"Go to sleep."

He couldn't do anything but nod and with that his lover walked out the brown wood chipped door and left. He had never said those words back to him and Dutchy was starting to think he never would. Sighing he rolled over onto his back. It shouldn't have to be like this. He thought to himself. We shouldn't have to keep it a secrete. He didn't have a choice though. Whereas he didn't care what happened to him he cared what would happen to Skittery and Skittery felt the same though would never say it. He had a reputation. He had friends all over the city if they knew he was bisexual... Dutchy didn't even want to think of what would happen to the other boy.

Why did the word have to be so cruel? He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs to the world that he loved another man and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. It was all so frustrating. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't change the opinions of every single person in all of New York. He couldn't make them understand what he felt towards Skittery. And they couldn't stop loving him just because they were both male. They wouldn't. He would never give anyone that sort of satisfaction. It meant too much to him.

He had to tell someone though. No matter how many times Skittery told him no one else needed to know about them Dutchy still wanted to. He was proud of their relationship. He wanted to announce it for everyone to hear and if he couldn't have that he at least needed someone else to talk about it to. To talk about Skittery. To talk about all these feelings that were running around inside him. But who could he trust?

Sleep he found was impossible so instead he simply got dressed and put on his glasses which had been carefully placed down on the night stand by the bed only a few hours ago and sat down by the window and stayed there until the sun came up.

~*~*~

After leaving the hotel and heading over to the distribution office to buy his papers Dutchy couldn't help but wonder if he and Skittery would sell their newspapers together again. They rarely sold together anymore. 'It's too risky' Skittery would tell him. Everything was too risky to him. They couldn't even sit alone at a table together nowadays. He frowned and looked down at his worn out shoes, shaking his head a little.

"What's the matter Dutchy-boy?" Racetrack asked him, slapping him hard on the back. Dutchy looked over at him. "You look like you ain't slept a wink. You've got bags under your eyes and you ain't washed up at all." He sniffed him a little then backed up and waved a hand in front of his nose. "You stink. Smells like something just crawled right up in you and died!"

Dutchy glanced away from him. "Gee, thanks..."

Racetrack smirked, amused and Dutchy just looked down. Everyone always seemed to get so much pleasure out of teasing him. Even Skittery, which made it worse. Skittery could tease him for hours about his most embarrassing flaws. Little things that Dutchy couldn't help. The color of his hair, his poor eyesight. Anything and everything that Dutchy hated about himself one of the boys would choose to tease him about it.

"You never came back last night. We were supposed to have a poker game. Me, you, Blink and Snitch. 'Member? We ended up having it without you. I won, of course." He grinned. "Blink lost bad. Kinda a sore loser. Said if you were there he wouldn't have lost." He glanced over at the blonde who seemed distracted. "You listening?"

"Hm?" He looked over at him, not having heard a word he said.

Racetrack rolled his eyes. "Ya know, you've been acting weird for a while now. What is it? Girl problems?" He smirked. "You can tell me."

He could feel the color rise to his cheeks. Girl problems. Like hell they were girl problems. He hadn't had girl problems his whole life. Not that Racetrack knew that though. Dutchy nodded slightly, he needed to talk to someone and Racetrack wouldn't have to know he was actually talking about another guy.

"Yeah. Girl problems." Dutchy told the smaller boy.

"Well... what's the problem, Dutch? Can't perform right?" He laughed.

He sighed and glanced over at him, pushing his glass up further on the bridge of his nose. "Have you ever been with someone but no one else can know about it but you want them to but the someone you're with thinks if everyone else knew about it something would happen to the other someone that could cause a lot of pain to the first someone but could always make the someone feel much better that they aren't keeping everything in? You know what I mean?"

Racetrack looked at him, confused. "I don't even think you know what you mean." He took out a cigar and bit off the end then stuck it in his mouth. "You need to get a life Dutchy-boy. Stop worrying over one person. Go out, get drunk. That's what life's all about." The dark haired boy grinned.

He should have known that would have been his response. Racetrack couldn't help; he apparently had enough problems that he needed to work out. The blonde boy nodded, taking his attention off his shoes for a moment to glances around for Skittery. He saw him, as Racetrack started babbling on about the purpose of life (which consisted of getting laid each night and not having to worry about the girl in the morning). He was sitting and counting his papers on a bench while a young girl stood in front of him, playing with her hair and watching him. Then Skittery stood, smiled at the girl and started walking away with her.

Dutchy felt his heart sink at the sight. He had his hopes up that he would sell with him and after their encounter last night he was sure they were going to. They always seemed to sell after spending the night alone together. But alas there he was, walking off with a girl and there Dutchy stood watching as Racetrack spoke on.

"Hey, Dutch!" Racetrack nudged his side. "Snap out of it." He laughed. "Gawkin' over that girl Skitt went off with, huh?" He watched as the girl kissed Skittery's cheek. "Looks like someone's gonna be getting some tonight." He laughed again and Dutchy cringed.

He wished Racetrack would just stop talking. He had no idea how it made him feel listening to the small Italians' comments. Even thinking about Skittery cheating on him made him sick to his stomach.

He could trust Skittery. He had to. They had been together for over a year and were faithful to each other. At least Dutchy was to him. He could only hope it was the other way around too. It was. It had to be. Otherwise there was no point in their relationship. If Skittery wanted to be with a girl then there was no reason for him to also be with Dutchy.

'There's nothing to worry about, Dutchy.' He thought to himself, trying not to let Racetrack's words get to him. 'He loves you too, you know that. He's afraid to say it but you know he does. He puts up with your crap, he hasn't told anyone you're gay so just let it be, Dutchy. They're probably just old friends or something anyway.' He continued trying to convince himself there was nothing to worry about until finally he was able to believe it and managed a smile.

"Yeah right." Dutchy said, trying to act smug. "He ain't getting nothing." 'And if I find out something's starting to happen between them he damn well ain't getting nothing from me, either,' he thought to himself. "You see that girl? She was a doll. Skitt ain't that lucky."

Racetrack grinned as he lighted the cigar in his mouth and took a drag off of it. "Yeah, yeah. Guess you're right." He looked over at Dutchy and nodded his head in the direction of the line to get the morning papers. "Come on, get your papes. Found a new spot I wanna try out and I don't care if it is day, I'll be damned if I have to sell there alone."

Dutchy smiled some and nodded, going to stand in the back of the line. At least he wouldn't have to sell alone. He knew selling his papers with Racetrack would be nothing like selling them with Skittery. There'd be no little sexual innuendoes of what was to come that night and they wouldn't be able to sneak off into an alley once it got dark to quickly please one another but he wouldn't be alone. He wouldn't have to spend the day by himself. He hated being alone.

~*~*~

"Can you believe this place?" Racetrack asked, scanning the crowed streets.

Dutchy looked around as well at the new area. He wasn't really sure where they were. The Bowery he thought maybe. That seemed right. The kids here looked like they could take on Brooklyn by themselves and have a fair chance at winning. No wonder Racetrack didn't want to sell there alone.

"Not too bad," Dutchy lied, shifting his papers into his right hand.

"What'd ya mean 'not too bad?' Feel like I'm getting mugged just standing here."

"Better then some places." Dutchy admitted, stepping out onto the side of the street.

"Yeah.... right. We just gotta worry 'bout later tonight when all the freaky deakies come out of hiding and try to get us to be their sex slaves in some weird ass cult."

Dutchy smiled a little and shook his head. Racetrack always thought the worse. They could be hopping a trolley over to Brooklyn and all Racetrack would talk about was that they were going to be shot if anyone noticed them. After a while it all just became rather amusing to the seventeen-year- old.

"Nothing like that'll happen." He paused a moment and called out a headline, something simple yet appealing to the people walking to and fro from their destinations. He looked over at Racetrack again and hesitated a moment. "Hey, that girl Skitt when off with. he ever talk about her before?"

"Shit, Dutch, you're closer to him then I am." The other boy said, lifting a paper and waving it in the air. "Murder in Midtown! Police say killer's heading this way!"

Dutchy looked away and wiped his brow with the back of his hand as Racetrack sold a paper. They were close, he smiled some, all Skittery's worrying and all anyone thought was that they were good friends. This meant they could be together more often, which made Dutchy smile even more to himself.

"Yeah, I know. I just thought maybe he told one of you guys something he didn't tell me."

"Don't know nothing about her." Racetrack looked at him. "Know what? Probably that mystery girl he keeps talking about."

"What mystery girl?" Dutchy asked, confused and starting to get worried again.

"You don't know? Figured if anyone knew, you'd know who she was." He shrugged and went on talking. "From what he says she's a little cute thing, blonde hair, nice body. Little shy but nice to be around." He laughed and Dutchy just watched him, nervous. "With her last night too, if you know what I mean."

Suddenly all of Dutchy's worries washed away and he smiled. Skittery had to be talking about him. He was the one with him that night. He did care. He felt so great at that moment. He didn't think anything would be able to bring him down the rest of the day. Skittery actually talked about him to the other guys. Except for bragging about his many lovers, Skittery was not one to talk about the same girl over and over and knowing that girl (that being the only thing that hurt him some) was him gave him hope that he and Skittery's relationship could last forever---Dutchy didn't care how unrealistic that might have sounded if he said it aloud.

"What else he say about her?"

"Gonna surprise her with something soon. He didn't say what but from the look on his face it has to be something good."

"Really?" Dutchy was practically beaming. "When?"

"Couple days, week. Something like that." He handed out another newspaper and Dutchy grinned, running a hand through his mess of blonde hair.

Then he reminded himself of what he was. A homosexual. Gay. A queer. He didn't know what he was hoping to expect from Skittery. 'This is as serious as your relationship can get,' he told himself, sighing quietly. He looked down. 'What if he isn't planning a good thing. No. Snap out of it, Dutchy.' Then he smiled again, having thought up another thing this might be. 'He's gonna tell everyone about us.' That had to be it. Skittery wouldn't hurt him like that and be glad about bringing him bad news. Sure, it was like him to do something like that but Dutchy was sure he would never do that to him.

"Think when he leaves the little thing, he'll let me get at her?" Racetrack smirked and Dutchy could feel his face becoming flushed.

"Never know." Was all he could manage to say.

He looked away from the dark haired boy and grinned. 'If only he knew what he was really saying.' he thought with a slight hint of a smirk.

The rest of the day seemed to go rather well and then the sun went down and the streetlights went on. Dutchy and Racetrack both had a couple more papers they needed to sell before they could leave and go back home and they were both determined to sell them. It was a bad neighborhood for them to be in without any means of protection.

"Told ya I didn't wanna be out here alone. Now you know why." Racetrack told him, nodding over in the direction of a gang of kids beating up on a much smaller child. "Manhattan's much better then this shitty place. Least there you don't gotta worry 'bout that happening to ya. Hell, I'd even feel safer walking Brooklyn's streets at night."

"Nothing'll happen."

"We're practically trespassing here!" Racetrack quickly sold another paper to an old lady who lived on the streets.

"Let's forget about selling then and just leave." He felt someone pinch his backside and Dutchy froze.

"What were ya putting up for sale?" A young man asked, stepping in front of him.

"This your boyfriend?" Another asked with a grin, patting Racetrack's cheek.

Racetrack, obviously insulted, dropped his papers onto the ground and took a step towards the two other boys. "We ain't no fags. So back off."

The taller one of the two laughed and grabbed at Dutchy again. "Sure seemed like it to us. Way you two were looking at each other and talking. Sure seem like a couple to me." He grinned.

Dutchy stepped back and watched. All these two boys needed were a reason to kill them. No, they didn't even need that. They were just enjoying tormenting them. They'd kill him for sure if they found out he was actually gay. The best thing he could think of to do was stay quiet. One word and they'd know how nervous he was.

"Well we ain't. But you two sure seem like fairies to me." Racetrack shot back but regretted saying it the moment the words left his mouth.

"What did you say?" One of them asked and when Racetrack grinned he punched the cocky Italian across the jaw while the second man tackled Dutchy.

They fought for what seemed like and eternity to Dutchy but was in fact no longer then three minutes before the cops came and the four boys ran off, two of them each going in a different direction. Racetrack was left with a black and blue eye and a bloody nose while Dutchy went home with a bruised jaw and a bleeding lip, plus a pair of broken glasses, which he left there on the street.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Kid Blink asked when they walked into the lodging house with six other newsboys staring at them, also wondering.

Racetrack grinned and went over to the table then started telling them his tale of what had happened, in it he and Dutchy were the ones who started the fight and won it after a long battle. All the boys listened eagerly but Dutchy just watched, glancing at the blurred surroundings for Skittery. When he saw no sign of him he went off into the kitchen to clean up the blood dripping down his chin.

'Why isn't he here?' He asked himself. 'Don't worry, he's probably up in the bunkroom sleeping already.' He sighed and grabbed a wet rag, applying it to his lip. 'He might still be with that girl.' All Dutchy wanted when he walked in the door was for Skittery to be standing there waiting for him then go and hold him after he was he was hurt. He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed but then again it wasn't Skittery's fault. He didn't know this was going to happen.

The blonde jumped up on the counter and sat down, closing his eyes a moment and resting his head back on the cabinets. He removed the rag and dropped his hands down to fold into his lap. He could hear Racetrack in the other room and tried to drown out the boy's exaggerations with his thoughts, which were too soon interrupted.

~*~*~

A pair of thin lips pressed against his own gently, the owner's tongue slipping out and licking up the blood that still remained on the other boy's busted lip. Dutchy's eyes snapped open and he quickly pulled back, mostly in pain. Part of him was surprised to see Skittery's lovely hazel eyes staring at him. Never in their relationship had Skittery ever kissed him outside of a locked bedroom. Even in their late night alley quickies Skittery's lips never touched his.

Did he even know there was a gang of newsboys right in the other room that could have very well seen that little display of affection? Dutchy glanced into the other room. It didn't look like anyone had seen anything. They were all still circled around Racetrack listening to him. He looked back at Skittery and smiled slightly. The boy was looking him over carefully, his eyes scanning Dutchy's face to look at what other damage might have happened to him.

"What was that for?" Dutchy asked, smiling.

Skittery shrugged indifferently and took the boy's chin between his two fingers, lifting his head up then to the side, first to the right and then to the left where he noticed the start of a bruise.

"How'd this happen?" He asked, letting go of his chin and indicating to his cut lip and the bruise. "Get in a fight? You don't like fighting."

'He knows me too well,' he thought with a faint smirk. He had never been one to fight and in fact had only been in a handful of fights his whole entire life, quite an accomplishment considering where he lived and how he lived.

"Well, I didn't fight on purpose. they attacked us." Dutchy told him, blinking a little in hopes to make his vision less blurred. He would need new glasses and soon, he only hoped he could afford them.

"Us?" Skittery asked, looking at the blonde accusingly.

"Me and Race."

"Why were you selling with Race?" His voice was becoming harsh, which didn't go unnoticed by the blonde.

"You weren't around."

"That's no excuse."

"Well why were you with that girl?"

"What?" He snapped.

"You heard me." Dutchy told him, this time a bit unsure of himself.

"That's none of your business." Skittery told him, narrowing his eyes.

Dutchy went a little wide-eyed. 'None of my business? Who the hell does he think he is?' he thought. 'Of course it's my business.' Dutchy stared at him but for some reason couldn't manage to say what was on his mind.

"Well..." he swallowed hard. "Who is she?" He asked the brunet, watching him closely.

Skittery looked away and went over to get some ice, then wrapped it in a cloth and brought it back over to Dutchy whose eyes never left the other boy. He placed the cold rag on the bruise forming on Dutchy's jawbone. Dutchy backed away some from the coldness but Skittery made sure to keep it in contact with the skin and Dutchy again moved back some.

"Will you knock it off?!" Skittery yelled. "You want the damn thing to swell or something?"

Dutchy dropped his gaze and muttered an apology. He hated being yelled at like that. It made him feel so inferior. He was purposely avoiding the question, Dutchy could tell that much. But why? What did this have to hide? The blonde kept his eyes focused down on his hands and hesitated before speaking again.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

Dutchy sighed. "Come on, Skitt, who is she?" He paused a moment. "Are you seeing her too?"

He quickly glanced at Skittery, trying to read his facial expression. It was blank. The other boy simply sighed which made Dutchy's stomach tie in a knot as he waited for a response. He didn't know if he was going to be told the truth or not but he just needed an answer. Any answer.

"What kind of a question is that?" Skittery asked, removing the cloth from Dutchy's jaw.

Dutchy sighed heavily and closed his eyes a moment. He was starting to think Skittery was seeing this girl. He just wanted to know the truth. He wanted everything to be out in the open. He didn't like that Skittery was keeping things from him.

"Just tell me, please?" Dutchy looked away again and played with his sleeve. "If you are I want to know."

"She's just a friend, all right? That's it." He threw the rag and the ice into the sink then stormed off out the backdoor.

Dutchy flinched a bit and watched him go. He sighed and shook his head, bringing his gaze back down to his hands.

"Always find a way to screw things up, don't ya, Dutch?" He mumbled to himself.

~*~*~

He woke up late the next morning. Very late. Everyone else was already out of the boarding house and had probably been selling their papers for a couple hours already. 'Why didn't anyone wake me up?' He asked himself, jumping out of bed and rushing in to the washroom. 'Kloppman should have woken me up!' He sighed to himself as he got to the sinks.

He washed up as fast as he could then ran back to the bunkroom and threw on some clothes that were resting on the end of his bed. He stopped rushing however just as he finished changing when he saw what was laying on the nightstand by his bed. A new pair of glasses and beside it a folded piece of paper.

"What the..."

He picked up the glasses and studied them slightly before putting them on. Then he grabbed the piece of paper and sat back down on his bunk, thankful he could actually see again. He unfolded the note and then read it.

Dutchy,
If you're reading this and can actually see the words that means you must have gotten the glasses. I thought you might need them after hearing what happened to your other ones. What better way to spend my money then on the person I care about more then anyone else in the world? I'm sorry I overreacted last night and I want to make it up to you. That's why no one woke you up this morning. I told them a girl was supposed to come by for you. They believed me too.

It was unsigned. Of course it was. Skittery would never sign his name to a letter addressed to another man. Dutchy grinned when he finished the letter. He was surprised that he actually apologized. He was even more surprised though that Skittery went out and bought him glasses.

"Like 'em?"

Dutchy's eyes snapped over in the direction of the voice and he grinned even more when he saw Skittery standing by the doorway. The older boy shut the door behind him and slowly started making his way over to Dutchy.

"Yeah. I like them." He shook his head some. "How could you afford them?"

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out." He smirked.

Dutchy laughed lightly and looked back down at the note, which was soon snatched from his hands and tossed to the ground by Skittery.

"I'm sorry about last night too." Dutchy told him. "I know you wouldn't cheat on me."

He didn't know. That was what Skittery wanted to hear though. That would make him less upset over the whole thing, which was what Dutchy wanted. He only wanted him to be happy. No matter what the cost.

"Yeah."

He was hoping Skittery would have said more then just that. He wanted to be reassured that it wasn't true not have him say -that-. He sighed a little and looked down. He felt the bed move as the other boy took a seat beside him and wrapped his arm around his waist. Dutchy felt his lover's hand slid up his shirt some and the blonde quickly looked over at him and then they were kissing.

"Aren't you afraid someone might walk in?" Ducky mocked him, pulling away almost instantly.

Skittery shook his head. "They think a girl's up here with you. They're not gonna come up here and Kloppman's still doing paperwork in his office."

"You're the one always telling me we have to be careful."

"We are being careful." He massaged Dutchy's side some and smiled at him. "Don't tell me you don't wanna."

"I do but-" he was silenced by Skittery lips crushing against his again.

After a moment Dutchy started kissing him back, bringing a hand behind his neck and rubbing the skin there, his fingers playing with his hair some, which made Skittery shiver. He could feel him grinning through the kiss, though. It soon became more heated and more passionate with each passing second.

Slowly Dutchy was lowered down onto the bed with Skittery laying on top of him, pressing his body close to the other boy's, making them both moan softly into each other's mouths. Then the kiss broke and Skittery moved his lips to Dutchy's neck, sucking and kissing the tender skin there as he unbuttoned the boy's shirt.

Dutchy didn't really care that they were still in the bunkroom at that point. He was just enjoying the sensations running through his body as the boy he loved started kissing his way down his body. He closed his eyes and smiled, biting his lip some.

When the kisses stopped and Dutchy felt cold air hit his lower regions as his pants were being pulled down he finally came back to reality and realized where they were. He stopped his lover, pacing his hands over his and Skittery looked up at him then rolled his eyes and groaned.

"What now?"

"I just thought we had to be all secretive and all. I don't want anyone to come in and see us, ya know?"

"Relax already," he kissed just below Dutchy's navel, making the other boy involuntarily buck his hips slightly. "No one's coming in."

It took Dutchy a couple seconds before he could really protest again as Skittery went back to pulling down his pants and kissing the newly exposed skin.

"I know, but, what if?"

"They're all out selling their papes."

"You're always saying though that we can't be too careful." Dutchy told him, taking a few deep breaths.

Skittery stopped again and looked at the other boy, his eyes narrowing slightly which made Dutchy turn his gaze away.

"They don't have a reason to come back here this early and you know it so don't start with all this other shit, twisting my words around and everything."

"I-I never 'twisted your words around.' That's what you said! That's what you always say." Dutchy told him in a slight pant.

"All right! Christ! I don't wanna argue with you anymore." Skittery sat back up on the bed and sighed, frustrated.

Dutchy sat up a little as well, fixing his pants and grabbing his shirt, putting it back on. 'I ruined everything. He's going to leave me right now. I know it.' he thought to himself. Skittery ran a hand through his brown curls and sighed, muttering under his breath then leaned over and lightly kissed him before standing up.

"Where are you going?" Dutchy watched him.

"Out," he replied simply.

"Out where?"

"Just... out, all right?!"

"But... I thought... can't you stay here with me?"

"You don't really seem to want me here with you so why bother?"

"I do want you here. You know I do, I just don't wanna be... doing that here where someone can walk in on us, that's all." Dutchy told him.

"I thought you were the one who wanted everyone to know about us?" Skittery glared at him. "What happened to 'don't worry, I know they'll understand?'"

Dutchy sighed and stood up. "I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about doing it right here where anyone can walk in! I don't care if you told everyone a girl was going to be here. I don't care that the door's shut and that you don't think anyone's gonna come up. Someone -could- come up, Skitt."

"All right. Fine. You win, then. We're not doing anything. I thought this was what you wanted. Guess I don't know you at all anymore."

"Come on, Skitt.you do know me. More then I even know myself."

"That's bull."

"Well... maybe if-"

"Don't start! I'm so sick of always listening to you bitch and complain about everything. Just give it a rest already!" Skittery yelled.

Dutchy looked away and frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Like hell you are. Don't apologize unless you mean it."

He walked out the door, slamming it shut hard. Dutchy watched him then looked down, his eyes soon falling upon the note Skittery had written him. He went over and picked it up, folded it up some more then placed it in his pocket before heading out after Skittery.

~*~*~

He didn't want Skittery to know he was following him so he made sure to stay far enough away so he wasn't seen but close enough so he wouldn't loose sight of the other boy. He wasn't going in the direction of the distribution center so Dutchy knew he was up to something else then just wanting to buy his papers like he should have been.

They had only walked a short distance before Skittery came to a large apartment building and walked in. Dutchy wondered what he was going to be doing there and debated with himself a moment as to weather or not he should follow him in as well. In the end curiosity got the better of him and the blonde hair boy opened the door and walked up the stairs.

The room Skittery went into was in the back of the building, which meant he'd be able to go out on the fire escape and look in on him. He when out there through a window in the back of the hallway and made his best effort to locate the room he had seen Skittery go in it. And as luck would have it, it was right above some of the steps.

He didn't hesitate to look into the room. When he did he saw Skittery sitting down on a bed, running a hand over his curly head and then he saw the girl from the other day with him, shutting the bedroom door. Words were exchanged and it looked like the girl was trying to comfort the other boy; the window was closed however so all he could do was watch their actions, not hear what they were talking about.

Dutchy held his breath. He knew what was going to happen next but for some reason he needed to see it. He watched as the girl sat down beside his lover and wrapped her thin arm around him, kissing the side of his neck. Skittery at first looked like he was resisting. He pushed her away slightly and shook his head the first time but she kept persisting; kissing him and then finally grabbing his groin. That was when Skittery gave in and kissed her.

"Don't do this to me, Skitt, please." he whispered to himself, feeling tears forming in his eyes.

He watched on, tempted to just run into the room and stop them by the time the girl removed her clothing and then his. It felt like someone was ripping out his heart by the time he saw Skittery mount her. That's when he turned away. He wasn't about to watch them have sex together.

Allowing the tears to slip down his cheeks he slowly descended the fire escape and then walked back to the lodging house. 'He actually did it,' he thought to himself. 'He lied to me. He lied.' He shook his head and climbed the stair to the bunkroom.

"What's wrong with you?" Specs asked, looking up from his nightstand where he pulled out a few coins.

Dutchy jumped and quickly wiped away any remaining tears, looking over at Specs. 'So much for no one coming by.' He thought to himself.

"Nothing."

"Then why were you crying?" He gave a sideways smile, as if he was amused to see another man cry.

"Who said I was crying? I got something in my eyes." 'Good one, Dutch,' he sighed heavily and lied down on his bunk. "What're you doing back here?"

"Needed to get some more money for lunch." He placed the few coins in his pocket. "What are you doing back? Or what were you doing gone? I thought a girl was suppose to come here."

"She was. We, ah, we got in a fight, though. so she left." He shrugged some, trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal to him.

"Oh, well, you hungry?"

Dutchy nodded, he wasn't really that hungry but he thought it might do him some good to get out. There was no point in staying in bed all day crying over Skittery cheating on him. Besides, Specs was cute. Perhaps if Skittery came by and saw them eating lunch he'd get jealous and feel guilty about doing what he had done.

"Get your ass up then and let's go." Specs told him.

Dutchy jumped out of bed and followed the other boy out of the lodging house. He forced himself to smile and look happy again. Trying to hide the fact that he was feeling awful inside. He looked over at Specs as they walked.

"Tibby's?" Dutchy asked.

"Like we eat anywhere else." Specs laughed a little and patted Dutchy on the back.

Dutchy smiled again, this time less forced. He wondered if he was developing a crush on Specs. But mostly he wondered if Specs was the same way he and Skittery were and if he was if he would ever give Dutchy a chance and if he would ever cheat on him. He had been with Skittery for so long he had never allowed himself to think about what it would be like with someone else before.

Asking the other boy would be the hardest part. He still loved Skittery, even after what he had just saw but he wanted to make him jealous. He wanted him to feel the kind of pain that he felt watching him and that girl together.

'If things go well today,' he though, 'Then I'll ask Specs tonight.' He was being naïve but he didn't care. He knew the risks that were involved but was too confused and filled with disappointment to worry about that.

They walked into Tibby's where a few other newsies already were eating down their lunch. Specs sat down in a booth seated for six, moving all the way over to the wall. Dutchy took the seat across from him and smiled, fixing his new glasses.

"Few of the other guys are suppose to come."

Dutchy nodded some. "Okay."

"So you gonna tell me why you were crying or not?" Specs smirked, knowing he hadn't been telling the truth before. "That girl get you upset?"

"Yeah. That girl got me upset. It doesn't matter though. She's already found someone else." He told him bitterly.

"You never know." He shrugged some. "What happened?"

"She wanted to... well, you know... in the middle of the bunkroom, without locking the door and I didn't."

Specs laughed and Dutchy blushed slightly and looked away. He took off his glasses and cleaned the lenses, sighing to himself.

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. But, come on, that's funny. Just think if someone walked in on you," he chucked a little. "That would be so embarrassing."

"Yeah." He blushed more and put his glasses back on. 'More then just embarrassing.'

"And she just left after that?"

"Pretty much." "Geez, sorry. You could probably do better anyway." Specs reassured him.

Dutchy glanced over at him and smiled. "Thanks."

"And what are you two girls gawkin' about over here?" Racetrack grinned, sliding into the seat beside Dutchy.

Specs rolled his eyes, grinning and gave him an obscene gesture. Racetrack laughed loudly and grabbed a menu off the table. They were soon joined by Snitch and Kid Blink, both of them sitting in the booth with Specs.

"You two order yet?" Kid Blinked asked.

They both shook their heads. Dutchy sighed inwardly as he picked up his menu and looked through it. So much for some time alone with him and Specs. He felt like hitting Racetrack for interrupting them.

"Heya Dutch where'd you get them new specs?" Racetrack asked him, stealing the glasses off of Dutchy's face.

"Hey!" He took them back and put them back on. "Sk-um, that girl that was gonna come over gave them to me." 'You should have told them the truth. Skittery's wrong. They'll understand.'

"Yeah? How'd that go?" Racetrack grinned. "Skitt said you and her were probably gonna be busy all day long, if you know what I mean."

The other boys laughed, all but Dutchy and Specs who just glanced at each other a moment, Specs shaking his head a little.

"It, ah, went fine." He grinned slightly. "Went great. I think I wore her out after the fist few times, she already went home."

The guys shared another laugh and Dutchy averted his gaze. There was too much lying going on. He knew something was bound to slip out sooner or later. He just didn't know when.

~*~*~

Dutchy sat on the steps leading up to the lodging house, waiting for Skittery. He looked overtop the buildings at the orange sky as the sun fell and he sighed to himself. He didn't know what he was going to say when he saw him again or how he was going to react to anything Skittery would tell him.

He still couldn't believe what he had seen earlier that day. He wanted to know what he had done wrong. What he had done to make Skittery go to someone else. Or if it was even his fault.

'Of course it's my fault,' he thought. 'Everything that ever goes bad in this relationship always seems to be my fault.'

He thought of going inside, perhaps talking to Specs like he had planned to do that afternoon. He smiled as he thought about the other boy. He had been so nice to him at lunch, he could talk to Specs too in a way he hadn't done with Skittery in months. He didn't know if Specs was attracted to guys or not though and he was beginning to have second thoughts on asking him.

"You're so pathetic, Dutch," he said to himself, rubbing his face.

"You're not pathetic."

He raised his eyes and looked up at Skittery who smiled down at him. He managed a small smile in return then stood up. Skittery took hold of Dutchy's hand after glancing around some and smiled more at him. Dutchy frowned however and pulled his hand away.

"What is it?" Skittery inquired, furrowing his brow some.

"We need to talk."

"Talk? About what? What's wrong? Did something happen? Are you all right?"

'No,' to told himself. 'I'm not all right.' Skittery looked at him, worried and Dutchy just looked back at him. His throat felt dry and his mind went blank. He didn't know what to say to him. He didn't even know where to begin. He took a deep breath.

"Yeah something happened. I saw you... with her."

Skittery's eyes narrowed. "What? What the hell are you talking about?"

Dutchy swallowed and the glanced around. "Can we go somewhere else to talk about this?"

"Yeah, fine. Attic."

He flung opened the door and immediately stormed up the two flights of stairs to the attic. Dutchy watched him and sighed, following. He tried hard not to look at all the people looking at him when he walked past the lobby.

Upstairs, he closed the attic door and took a seat on the old couch up there by the window. Skittery was sitting down on the arm rest, tapping his foot impatiently. The blonde sighed, knowing he would have to say something first.

"I saw you with that girl."

"You were following me?"

"I had to."

"You don't trust me."

Dutchy quickly looked over at him. "You slept with her!"

"I didn't. "

"I saw you! I saw you get into bed with her! I saw you get on top of her, Skittery. Just stop lying to me!" He felt tears in his eyes.

"I was an accident, all right? No big deal."

"No big deal? How is that no big deal?! And how the hell was it an accident?" He felt a couple tears slip down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away.

"I was upset." He sighed. "I can't believe you followed me."

"It's a good thing I did. You know, I've never ever cheated on you before. Not ever."

"I'm sorry, Dutch." He leaned over the couch and wiped away one of his tears with his thumb. "Don't start crying. I said I was sorry. Isn't that enough?"

Dutchy shook his head, "No. It isn't," he looked down at his hands. "How many times have you been with her?"

"Only a few. I don't see why you're getting so upset. I said I was sorry Dutchy. Come on, you and I both know you're not going to do anything about it. I know you're upset but you'll get over it."

Get over it. How was he suppose to get over this? He had so many questions. He wanted to know if he would ever cheat on him again. He wanted to know how long he had known this girl and how long he had been going to her. He wanted to know if he'd ever be able to forgive Skittery.

"And if I don't?" He looked over at him. "What if I don't get over it? What if I don't want to get over it?"

"Well... what are you saying?" Skittery asked, rubbing his hair.

"I'm saying that if you want to be with that girl then be with her. And you just won't be with me."

"You don't want to be with me anymore? Is that what you're trying to say?"

"No," he sighed a little. "I mean. I don't know."

"Who else do you think is going to want you?"

Dutchy felt a pain in his chest and he looked over at Skittery who sighed a little and looked down at his hands, shaking his head a bit.

"What?"

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I meant that. well, how many other guys here do you know who are gay? None. And I know you, you're not one to just go out and try to find someone at a bar or something so just get over whatever's bothering you about this whole thing, okay?"

"No."

"Fine then. Go ahead. Tell one of the guys here you want to be with them and see what happens! As I matter of fact, I'll tell them for you. How would you like that? Would that make you feel better about leaving me?"

"No, Skitt, stop it. You're not even making any sense."

"Why should I stop? That's what you always wanted wasn't it? For everyone to know you're gay. Hell, maybe one of them will come out and tell you they are too and then the two of you can live happily ever after without me!"

"All I said was that if you want to be with her be with her."

"I shouldn't have to choose. You shouldn't be asking me to." He sighed and waved a hand in the direction of the door. "Just leave, will ya?"

Dutchy watched him a little, feeling the tears swell up in his eyes again. He nodded, looking away then left the attic and headed back downstairs and into the bunkroom. It was over. He couldn't believe it. It was actually over.

He was the one who wanted to end it. So then why did he feel so horrible? Maybe it was because right before he left it looked like Skittery was about to cry. Maybe not. He loved him and always would. He couldn't just erase their time together.

He sat down on his bunk and then lied back on it. He hoped Skittery would come down into the room and say that he just wanted to be with him. That's all he needed to hear. After that he'd be more then willing to forgive him for anything he did.

Sighing, Dutchy covered his eyes with his arm until he heard someone else enter the room. He looked up and there stood Specs, watching him. Dutchy sighed again and sat up while Specs took a seat beside him on the bed.

"What was all that you and Skitt were yelling about?" He asked and Dutchy's eyes went wide.

"You could hear us?"

"Sort of. Mostly it was all just mumbling. Thought you two were good friend. What were you fighting about?"

Dutchy shook his head some. "You don't want to know."

"Wouldn't of asked if I didn't," Specs smirked.

"It was just over stupid stuff. Don't worry about it."

"Looks like you're about ready to cry."

"I'm not. I just---" he rubbed his face and took off his glasses.

"Hey don't worry about it," he smirked slightly and wrapped an arm around him.

Dutchy couldn't help but feel comforted by Specs. It was like when he and Skittery fist started seeing each other. He felt the urge to rest his head down on the boy's shoulder and kiss his neck but somehow restrained himself.

"Thanks." Dutchy muttered, putting his glasses back on.

"Hey, it's what I'm here for."

He smiled a little and glanced over at him. Then slowly he leaned over and lightly kissed his lips. He couldn't help it. He didn't even realize what he had done until it had already happened and by that time it was too late to do anything about it.

~*~*~

Specs pulled back quickly and stared wide-eyed and Dutchy who simply looked back at him, dumbfounded. He swallowed hard; surprised by his own actions more so then ever he thought Specs was.

The older boy continued to stare, at a loss for words and confused but then gradually his eyes narrowed and it was as if everything suddenly made sense to him. He got up quickly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, while Dutchy just sat and watched, feeling nauseous.

"What the hell was that?" Specs asked, spitting off to the side as though to get rid of any germs Dutchy could have given him.

"I-I'm sorry," was all he could say.

"What are you? Some kind of... some kind of faggot or something?"

Dutchy winced visibly at the words. He didn't know what to do and in all actuality hadn't expected Specs to react this way. In his mind the other boy was going to kiss him back and they'd start a relationship together and he would help him get over Skittery.

Skittery. He hadn't even thought of what was going to happen to him now that Specs knew he was gay. Surely he'd come to the conclusion that the two had been a couple. Especially after just hearing the two fighting.

His mind raced to think of an answer that would satisfy Specs. If he said yes Specs would tell everyone but if he said no then what would be his excuse for kissing him just then? All he could do was stay silent and hope that Specs would be able to understand.

"You are. Oh God... you are."

Dutchy stood up and walked over to Specs, shaking his head a little. Specs stepped back with a disgusted look on his face. A look Dutchy hadn't seen anyone give him in his entire stay at the lodging house.

"Don't come near me."

"I'm sorry," he repeated a bit softer and took a step back.

"Shit, I can't believe this. Ugh, God... you're disgusting!"

Specs watched him a moment and when again Dutchy tried to walk towards him, wanting only to talk quietly to the other boy, Specs made a run for it. Dutchy panicked. He ran a hand through his blonde locks and glanced around frantically for somewhere to go.

"What do I do? What the hell do I do?!" He yelled to himself. "Oh God.."

He stood still. Waiting for whatever fate would come for him. In the back of his mind he was still reassuring himself that everything was going to be all right and that nothing was going to happen. He was just exaggerating and Specs had just gotten scared. It was nothing personal. It was the only thing keeping him from fleeing out the window and down the fire escape.

He could hear noises downstairs, talking and a bit of yelling which he assumed was from Specs. Next there was a herd of footsteps trampling up the stairs as though all the residents in the building were each coming up to see him. He didn't know what he was going to say when they came in. Deny it if they start acting hostile, that's all he could think of to do.

The lodgers soon all filed into the room and surrounded Dutchy in an almost tribal manner, with Racetrack as their leader and Specs standing in the background, now looking almost guilty for telling.

"So is Specs right? You gay?" Racetrack asked.

Dutchy nodded slightly, regretting doing so almost immediately.

"So you're a faggot, huh?" One of the boys asked, he wasn't sure which one it was, he couldn't even have guessed. "You gonna kiss me too?"

"All this time you never even said anything." Another unrecognizable voice, this one sounding a bit kinder though it seemed as though he was trying to be cruel. "I thought I caught you looking at us in the bath tubs the other day."

"We can't be having people like you in here. It ain't right. You ain't right! I think that's something that needs to be taken care of too."

"What do you say guy? Should we get rid of the girl?"

So many years together and now they had all turned on him over this. It made him want to cry. All those years.. These people had been his friends, his brothers and now they were threatening him without haven even heard the whole story.

One person thought it was wrong so therefore they all did or else everyone would then think they were that way too, even if they weren't. Skittery was right. He had been right from the beginning. He wished he hadn't been so ignorant. He wished he could take it back.

"Hell yeah," a couple of them responded.

They were getting closer now, circling in on him from all sides. Without so much as a second thought he pushed past them with all his strength and ran. The boys followed, yelling and screaming for them to get him.

He ran as fast as he could out of the house, tripping down the stairs and nearly falling as he got out the door. He was crying now, scared for his life and wondering how such close friends of his could turn on him like this. It didn't make and sense to him. Everything had escalated in a matter of seconds and it baffled him how this could this happen.

By the time he reached the streets he had fallen, tripped over his own feet and landed face first to the ground, breaking his glasses and chipping a tooth. Before he knew it the mob had surrounded him again and where kicking his body, shouting obscenities at him and spitting on him.

"Knock it off! Hey! I said stop!" That voice he knew, it was Skittery and he had stepped in front of the crowd and thrown them away from the bruised boy.

"He's a faggot!" Racetrack screamed.

"You were gonna kill him!" Skittery yelled back.

"Who are you, his boyfriend?"

Dutchy held his breath and looked up at Skittery as he tried to get to his feet again with little success. Skittery glanced over at Dutchy briefly then looked back at the other newsboys who all seemed to be ready to start attacking Dutchy again.

"Hell no! I ain't no fag."

"Sure would explain a lot." Specs spoke up a bit timidly, "The way you two are always together and you guys were just fighting a little bit ago. Breaking up?"

"I ain't no fag!" He said again more forcefully, pushing the other boy.

"Skitt ain't like that, Specs, and you know it. You've seen him with girls. It's Dutchy here who's always talking about going with girls but we ain't never seen him with one before, now have we?"

"Yeah!" The group cried out.

"Look! You're all gonna end up getting arrested if a bull comes by and sees what you're doing so just back off," Skittery told them.

"So what?!" Racetrack asked, glaring over at Dutchy. "It'll be worth it."

"No it won't. I ain't going to jail again." Jack spoke up. "He ain't allowed back here though. Not ever." He looked at Dutchy. "You got that little girly?"

Dutchy nodded his throbbing head and soon the boys journeyed back into the lodging house, leaving Dutchy outside with Skittery. Skittery looked at the blonde then glanced down at the glasses on the road. He sighed a little but made no move to pick them up.

"I told you what would happen. Now look where it got you. Beat up and homeless. These people don't care how long you've known them or how long you've been friends with them. As soon as you show that you're different from them they'll turn on you like wild animals. It's just in their nature."

"I'm sorry, Skittery. I'm so sorry for everything."

"Don't apologize to me. They don't think anything's wrong with me. You should be sorry for yourself. Now get the hell out of here before they come back out."

Dutchy nodded slightly and picked up his glasses then headed down the road. He didn't even bother to look back at Skittery who stood outside watching him until he couldn't see him anymore. He just kept on walking and looking straight ahead.

He didn't know where he was going. Somewhere where none of the Manhattan newsies sold so they wouldn't be able to see him in the morning. All of Brooklyn would know by tomorrow afternoon so he couldn't go there either. His only choice was to hide out in the back of an alley.

He was thankful it was summer, at least that way he knew he wouldn't freeze to death but with the heat he had to worry about mice and rats and other animals coming up to him, looking for food.

In a few minutes he found a vacant alley and walked down it to the dead end at the other side. It was small and dark but would have to do. He sighed heavily and began looking around for a good place to sleep.

He composed a bed out of cardboard boxes and old newspapers, which had been disposed of back there. He had never spent a night outside before and prayed he wouldn't have to again. Getting settled down on the makeshift bed he closed his eyes and thought back to happier times with him and Skittery. A smile spread across his lips as his mind wondered.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again. He knew that much. But he would always have his memories and that was all he needed to be happy for that moment and that was enough to let him fall into a deep sleep.

~*~*~

He sat in the alley, playing with his glasses. He was glad they hadn't been broken the night before. He smiled to himself and put them back on his face. He loved being able to see things clearly.

"Hey you," Skittery said quietly, walking over to him.

"Hi."

Dutchy smiled and went over to the boy at the other side of the alley and wrapped his arms around his waist, planting a kiss on his cheek. Skittery grinned and kissed him lightly, moving his lips gently over the other boy's. Dutchy pulled away slowly after a moment and smiled more.

"I didn't think you were going to come," the blonde confessed.

"Why wouldn't I come? I told you I would."

Skittery sat down in the alleyway and pulled Dutchy down with him, putting his arms around him and kissing his head. Dutchy grinned and rested his head down on Skittery's shoulder.

"I know you did," he paused a moment. "How are the guys?"

Skittery sighed silently but kept the smile on his face. He brushed his hand through Dutchy's hair and played with a few pieces. Dutchy looked at him, fearing but expecting the worse. He was sure they'd still be just as mad as they had been.

'They hate me,' he thought. 'They all hate me. I never should have done anything.'

"I think they're coming around." He nodded a little. "Specs said he was sorry for the way he reacted and Jack says to just give him a few days and maybe he'll let you back in. I think he will."

"Really?" Dutchy looked at him, scarcely believing him.

"Really. I wouldn't lie to you. Not again." Skittery smiled at him. "In a couple days you'll be back in the lodging house with the rest of us."

Dutchy was too happy to even speak. He knew he was right about them. No one was that mean. He grinned more-if that was even possible by that point and kissed Skittery again.

'They just needed some time to cool off,' he thought to himself as he and Skittery kissed. 'Things will be better from now on.'

When the kiss broke the two just sat there together in the alley holding one another. It was all Dutchy needed. He was happy there. For the first time in a long while he was actually, truly happy. He didn't think anything would be able to take that away from him.

"What about Racetrack? What does he think about me coming back?"

"What everyone else thinks. It's a good idea, but they just need some time. He needs the most time to just get use to everything," he smirked slightly and ran his fingers across his hair.

"Oh... all right."

"I told them about us. That we were a couple. Needless to say they were shocked."

"Is that why you're still out here with me? Did they kick you out too?" Dutchy asked, concerned.

"Of course not. They just nodded a little and walked away," he laughed loudly and shook his head. "The looks on their faces was priceless though. You would have loved it."

Dutchy chucked a little and looked down at his hands. Skittery actually told them and they were okay with it. One of his only fears was that they would do the same to him as they had to him. He was wrong though. He didn't mind being wrong when it came to that.

"I'm glad they didn't do to you what they did to me."

"Yeah so am I." Skittery nodded, "I told you though, with you at was all sort of a big shock. With me they just didn't care as much anymore. They're starting not to care that you're the way you are either."

"And that's a good thing," he glanced out of the alley a moment then looked back at the boy beside him. "I'm sorry I kissed Specs and caused all this."

"Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was..."

"No, Dutchy. It wasn't. I'm the one who should be sorry. You mean more to me then that girl. If I hadn't slept with her none of this would have happened. I'd choose you over her any day of the week."

Dutchy grinned and kissed Skittery once more. He loved this boy and for the first time he was sure Skittery actually loved him back, even if he didn't say it. After all, he didn't have to come see him again after that day. But he did and that was all Dutchy needed to be able to forgive him for cheating on him.

"I love you," Dutchy told him softly.

"Yeah, I know," Skittery smiled.

They were quiet again for a while. Neither one of them was sure how long. Seconds, minutes. time was a trivial thing for them at that point. They could have sat there all day and all night if they could have.

"Where will I stay until Jack says I can come back?" Dutchy finally asked.

"You can stay at an inn down the road. I already talked to the manager about it and he said it was all right. Your stuff is already waiting for you there."

"But-I mean, I can't afford that."

"It's already been taken care of. Don't worry. Me and a few of the other guys put some of our money together to pay for it. Don't even think about paying us back either, all right?" Skittery smiled.

Dutchy nodded slightly. "All right. Thanks."

"Of course. It's what I'm here for." The brown-haired boy kissed him again then rose to his feet. "Come on. We can't sit here all day."

Dutchy stood as well and looked at him, taking off his glasses for a moment and cleaning them on his shirt. Skittery looked back at him and took hold of his hand.

"Where we gonna go? I mean. I can't very well go back to the lodging house now. And I can't go sell my papers. They won't let me. I know it."

"We're going to the inn," Skittery grinned. "You need some rest. You've been out on the streets long enough."

Dutchy laughed, amused. "But I'm not tired."

"Then I'll make you tired."

Skittery's grin widened and he leaned over and kissed the boy's neck making Dutchy shiver. He loved when Skittery did that. He closed his eyes and smiled, rubbing the brunet's back a little but then Skittery pulled away teasingly.

"Hey."

Skittery laughed again and kissed him. "I love you."

"What?"

Dutchy stared at the boy. He had never said that before and Dutchy didn't think he ever would have. It just wasn't like him. For a moment he though maybe Skittery was just playing some sort of mean joke on him or that he had just heard him wrong.

"I love you, Dutchy," he repeated. "I love you."

Dutchy woke up quickly, drenched in sweat.

He still was laying on the cardboard and newspapers and it was still dark outside. He glanced around a little to make sure he still wasn't dreaming but alas he wasn't. He started crying when he found that he was still alone in the alley.

Skittery was nowhere in sight. All he could see was a couple of rodents on the other side of the alley fighting over a scrap of food someone had thrown out their window. He looked over at his broken glasses then put his head back on the ground.

He didn't want to fall asleep again. He wouldn't.

~*~*~

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

Dutchy's eyes shot open and he stared across the alley at Skittery who sat on the ground in his faded pink shirt and brown worn in pants. For a moment Dutchy thought he was dreaming again. Skittery looked so handsome to him right then, he was sure it had to have been his imagination.

Tiredly, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, scooting a little closer to the other boy so he could see him better. His hair looked a bit disheveled, like he hadn't bothered to comb it at all that day and his face seemed somewhat pale. He reached his hand out to hold the other boy's but Skittery's hand withdrew quickly; that was when he knew this wasn't another dream.

"Looks like they got you pretty bad." Skittery said in reference to the bruises on Dutchy's face. "Gonna need some ice for that. Lift your shirt up. I know they were kicking you and all."

Dutchy glanced at him but did as he was told. He carefully raised his shirt up over his head to let Skittery see the swelling on his ribs and stomach. Dutchy had no idea how bad he actually looked. He hardly felt any pain and hadn't even noticed that the side of his face was covered in dry blood.

"Bad?" He asked, Skittery shook his head.

"Nah, nothing that won't heal in a couple weeks," he smirked slightly. "You'll live.

He nodded, putting his shirt back down and yawning. He leaned back against the wall and looked at Skittery, looking at him.

"How'd you find me?" Dutchy asked.

"Come on Dutch. I know you better then you think," he nodded his head in the direction outside the alley. "We had our first real date in that little restaurant right there. Knew you couldn't be far once I saw it."

Dutchy shook his head a little; he hadn't even realized that. 'Surprised he remember.' he thought, allowing a small smile to appear on his face. He looked back at Skittery and then noticed the bag of clothes at his side. It was Skittery's bag but Dutchy was sure that his clothing was in it.

"Right," he nodded and moistened his lips and motioned to the bag. "Mine?"

Skittery glanced at the bag and sighed, nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, it's yours. Thought you might want some of your stuff. I know you don't like to buy new clothes and all."

"Hey, you never liked to either," he laughed, remembering.

"Yeah, well, shut up," Skittery told him good-naturedly. "We had some good times, you and me, didn't we?"

"Yeah, we did." Dutchy looked down and frowned.

"I remember when we first found out about each other, do you?"

He wasn't sure what Skittery was trying to do. He had never been one to reminisce before and he was sure if meant he had some very bad news to tell him but he didn't want to let that get in the way of this. One of the few times Skittery actually wanted to talk about the past. Even if it was just out of pity, he didn't care.

"How could I forget?"

"You were in the attic with, ah, what was his name?" Skittery asked him with a smile.

"Colin. Colin Montgomery," he told him, also with a smile, loving every minute of this.

"Right. you two had your tongues down each others' throats when I walked in," he laughed a little. "You got so scared that I was going to tell everyone else. You even started crying. You always were a bit of crybaby. Whining over everything. Anyway, Colin ran out, winking at me for God's sake!"

"He did not."

"Hey, who's telling this story? Me or you?" Skittery grinned and continued on. "I went over to you and hugged you to try and calm you down and then-"

"Then you kissed me," Dutchy nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, Christ, that was a long time ago."

"One year in another couple days."

"Are you serious?" Dutchy nodded. "Shit, didn't feel that long."

"I know."

They stayed silent for a couple moments. Dutchy knew Skittery had something else to tell him but simply wanted to delay the inevitable a little bit longer. He watched as Skittery played with his hands, locks of his hair falling over his eyes. He really was a beautiful sight to see. He would always love him; nothing would ever change that. No matter what Skittery told him nothing could change the way he felt.

After a while Skittery finally looked up and over at the other boy. He sighed and ran his fingers through his mop of brown hair then cleared his throat a little. After a couple more minutes of gathering his thoughts he spoke up.

"I have something to tell you."

"They're not gonna let me back in, are they?" He asked quickly, before Skittery could say anymore.

"No, they're not. They said if they ever see you around again they're going to beat you up until the bulls won't even be able to recognize the body."

Dutchy bit his lip and looked at the ground. 'And he just had to tell me that part, did he?' He didn't know what he was going to do. Manhattan... New York, it was his home. He had never lived anywhere else and didn't want to.

"What am I gonna do?"

"How the hell should I know? Getting out of the city would be the smartest thing."

"And that's not too... rash?"

"What?"

"I mean... I don't wanna leave. I live here. Can't I just lay low for a while and wait for this thing to blow over?"

"And you really think that's gonna happen? You think they're just gonna forget. They won't forget Dutch so I suggest you just get out of here all ready. Do yourself a favor and leave." Skittery told him a bit harshly. "They don't want you around anymore. What don't you get about that?"

"I just thought that maybe..." He sighed. "I don't know."

"You should leave."

"Come with me?"

"What?!" Skittery stood up. "What happened to 'it's either me or the girl'? What happened last night, change your mind or something?"

Dutchy looked at him and stood up as well. "Yes. It did. I'm sorry I overreacted. I'm sure you had your reasons for sleeping with that girl but."

"But nothing. You just don't want to be alone."

"How can you even think that?"

It was true though. He knew it even if he didn't want to admit it. Skittery looked at him, glaring a little and crossing his arms over his chest. Dutchy's eyes shied away from the other boy's and he stared at his feet.

"You know it's true. Don't do this to yourself. Take your stuff and leave before the guys realize I'm gone and come looking for me. Last thing I need is for them to find me here with you. We'd both be dead if that happened."

"Wouldn't want them to think you were a 'fag' or anything."

"Knock it off, Dutchy!"

"Sorry... If you just went away with me though..."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't -want- to go anywhere with you, Dutchy. I don't want to be with you anymore. You know, I'm glad you saw me with that girl."

Dutchy looked at him, surprised he had said that. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. He shook his head, pieces of his blonde hair falling into his face. He didn't even bother to brush them away.

"What? You don't mean that, do you?"

"Of course I do."

"I don't believe you."

"Well believe it. Now get the hell out of here already!"

"No! I love you, Skitt." Dutchy looked at him. "Can you honestly tell me you don't love me too? After everything we've been through. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me if that's how you feel."

Skittery stared him in the eyes and Dutchy stared back, trying not to show how scared he was at that moment. He held his breath and waited.

"I don't love you. I never loved you."

He broke the eye contact and tried not to start crying while Skittery just watched him. He dropped back down onto the ground but was soon lifted up again by his former lover's hand. Dutchy quickly yanked his arm away and took a step back. Skittery shook his head and then picked up Dutchy's clothes, throwing the bag at him.

"Get out of here!" Skittery yelled. "Go on!"

Dutchy dropped the bag and took off running out of the alley. He ran until his feet were sore and his legs ached and even then he didn't stop running. The sun was going down and it was only then that he realized he had slept the whole day away. It never even crossed his mind to think of how long Skittery must have been sitting there, waiting for him to wake up.

He had nothing left for him. Nothing. No friends. No home. And now he had lost Skittery for good as well. He had nothing left to live for and soon he found that his feet had taken him to the Brooklyn Bridge.

He could barely see, his broken glasses were still in the alley and tears were blurring his vision even more. 'Everyone of them hates me. Skittery hates me.' He looked up at the sky. It was such a nice night. He wondered how such horrible things could happen on such a night as that.

The boy looked down the road, hoping Skittery might have followed him. But he hadn't. He was alone again as he knew he would end up being for the rest of his life.

"I should have let me kill me." He looked down at the water. "At least then I never would have had to hear Skitt say that. Ya hear me?!" He screamed out into the horizon. "I wish they had killed me!"

He shook his head and sobbed for a moment, letting his tears run down his cheeks. After a while he calmed and then he leaned over a little and looked down at the dark water below. He closed his eyes and shook his head some more, trying to clear his mind.

"They don't want me. Fine."

He opened his eyes back up and sniffled a little, wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve. Then he remembered something. The note Skittery had left him that day he was given the new glasses. It was still in his pocket, he had forgotten all about it in the chaos that had occurred after all that.

Taking a deep breath he took it out and read it over to himself. Again and again he read it. He had gone through all that trouble just to be with him for that day and had spent all that money on a new pair of glasses so he could see. Dutchy never realized just how hard it must have been for Skittery to do all that without giving anything away. It was too late to go back now. He and Skittery could never be together again. Ever. It was bad enough having your friends turn on you but loosing Skittery as well was too much for him to handle.

He read one part over again for one last time.

'What better way to spend my money then on the person I care about more then anyone else in the world?'

Dutchy slowly placed the note back in his pocket and then climbed up on the railing, looking out at the water. He smiled to himself, reading that part over again in his mind, then jumped.

THE END